Every corner of Baghdad

29SEP2004 – 20:32
There is hope and there is hopelessness on every corner of Baghdad. Neither one has a bit of influence on what will happen here, nor will either affect the outcome of this war.

Five times a day I hear the call to prayer and every time I do I wonder what the kneeling and bowing masses are praying for. I hear in it the ineffectual bemoaning of a soulless people who have divorced themselves from reality so thoroughly that they can only dream of a life free of suffering after they have lost life. This is the essence of contradiction and the pregnant fruit of irrationality.

It’s been a difficult week in Baghdad – a week of ups and downs. The kind of rollercoaster ride that eats at one’s resolve. Ups and downs until you just want to throw up.

Let’s begin with the beheadings. Even if you hate someone so much that you want them dead, it takes a special brand of evil to savor the feel of hot blood washing across your bare hands as you hold down a helpless human being and repeatedly saw back and forth at the living tissue. No person who claims to be “holy” can saw off a man’s head with a knife.

Yes, I watched the Armstrong beheading video. It was not a mistake to watch it even though it was the most horrible of the videos so far. As the first waves of revulsion swept over me I thought it might be a mistake and asked myself, “Why did I do this?” But after I had calmed down and walked around in the heat of a full moon desert night I remembered that it is good to know what we are up against. It is good to prepare ourselves mentally for what we are truly facing. It is important to know the face of the enemy.

At the apex of the rollercoaster ride were a couple of things that go beyond hope – meaning they are superior to hope - because they are positive things that will make a difference in this conflict. The first is that a true patriot back home in the United States took the time to find a copy of the United States Constitution – in Arabic - and forward it to me via email. Another patriotic individual at the New York Heroes Society sent a box full of Ayn Rand and other pro-life, liberty & happiness books to add to the complete set of books by Ed Cline, author of the Sparrowhawk series, which his publisher sent to me last week. These are particularly relevant since they are set in the period preceding the American war for independence.

This is huge. The biggest need we have here is information of the right sort. When I put the U.S. Constitution (in Arabic) in the hands of the Iraqi citizen who had asked me about it previously, tears filled his eyes. He shook my hand and held onto it for a long time with his head down and then looked at me and said thank you. This is the man who two weeks ago was warned not to continue working with the Americans. The man whose wife is 5 months pregnant. He is one of the people here, desperate to learn and to influence the process of political development.

Another notable happening this week was a conversation I had with an Iraqi working with the friendly forces here who said he was terrified to go home and he was always having to lie about where he worked and could not say anything positive about the U.S. forces without fear of retaliation. He lives in a rough neighborhood in Baghdad. In spite of his fear he said he would like to provide information that will help us track down and stop these people from committing crimes. He said he was tired of living as though he is a prisoner to someone else’s opinions. He volunteered to get information and turn it over. He is 24 years old.

On top of all that I am realizing how tough it is to be away from my wife and daughter for such a long time. Behind every story you see on the news are the hidden lives of 150,000 troops and a whole bunch of contractors, etc. who are dealing with the fact that they won’t be seeing their families for 3 months, 6 months, a year, and much longer for some. If you’ve never tried that I don’t recommend it.

Yes, I volunteered, but that doesn’t make it easier. I’m lucky to have a wonderful wife who hates that we are apart right now but is hanging tough. She is my life. I can email almost every day, but it doesn’t help. It just adds to the up and down feeling I must deal with right now. The hollow spot in my gut that only being with her satisfies. I dream of her every night and the wailing sound of the morning call to prayer echoes the emptiness I feel when I wake up alone.

That is when I test my strength. I put on my uniform, lace up my boots, pick up the weight of my body armor and weapon and walk across the dry sand, beaten into powder by the tank treads and HUMVEE tires. I make my way past the sandbags and through the early morning darkness toward the fight.

And as the morning prayers fade with the last echoes bouncing of the bullet-scarred walls of Baghdad and disappear down broken sewers, I put away hope and get down to the business of the day.

Joe Kane
Baghdad